Fatigue.

A Journal Entry –  Nov .1st 2018

I wrote this during the period where my last ketamine booster hadn’t helped much, and I was still deep in a depressive episode. I think many people suffering from chronic illness have probably thought these things at least once.

I just don’t want to try anymore. I’m tired. I’m defeated. All this time, effort, energy, money – it’s all wasted on someone who will never this fight. It’s buying me weeks at a time so…what? So I can do it all again?

In many ways, I have my whole life ahead of me.

Right now, that thought is enough to make me want to give it up now. I don’t want this life. 

You stay because of the potential for things to get better.

You stay to see what happens next.

You stay to keep telling your story.

But I just don’t care. Everyone has a story. Mine isn’t special. I’m a blip on the radar. And I’m tired of fighting.