Sometimes it’s like the intellectual part of my brain and the rational part of my brain are being held hostage by this crazy, paranoid, dramatic, agressive piece of my mind. The piece that wears tin foil hats and tells me everyone is out to get me. This wild-eyed and desperate piece of me also likes to bombard me with all these awful thoughts, tossing them at me like fucking grenades.
I’m brushing my teeth and then: HEY REMEMBER WHEN YOUR GRANDPARENTS DIED!GUESS WHAT EVERYONE YOU LOVE IS GONNA DIE.
I’m watching a show, minding my own business when GRENADE: YOU PUSHED AWAY ALL YOUR FRIENDS AND YOU WILL NEVER GET BACK THE PERSON YOU USED TO BE
And the more you fight it, the louder its voice gets. Tossing more grenades until you can’t make a move without one exploding. The sense that something truly terrible is going to happen envelopes you. Rational mind, intellectual mind, and batshit crazy mind all agree- it’s not safe.
Kristin on Ketamine 